CONSPIRACY THEORY OF THE WEEK: "A Beginner’s Guide to The Shadow Government"

Editor's Note: So, as I begin law school in the fall, I've been looking for guest posters to help provide some extra material and perspective to Blog Don't Lie. Now, I know, it will be hard to replace me, but we'll test it out and see how it goes. This guest blogger, who chose to be named Dr. Octavius *sigh*, will present a few of his musings. Please be warned.

He did not give me his musical selection for this post, so I will add something appropriate...

A Beginner’s Guide to 
The Shadow Government

Conspirarcy Theory of the Week
by Dr. J.A. Octavius, Associate Professor, DeVry University

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow me to explain.

What is the Illuminati?

The Illuminati is an ancient and shadowy group of elites who control nearly every aspect of life on this planet — from finance and government to religion and culture. However, the Illuminati has become an improper term, and, today, they can be called “globalists,” who are an evil group of elite and powerful people, who are rarely seen in the public's eye.

Generations ago, the Illuminati began as a secret society under the direction of Jesuit priests. Later, a council of five men, one for each of the points on the pentagram, formed what was called “The Ancient and Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.” They were high order Luciferian Freemasons, thoroughly immersed in mysticism and Eastern mental disciplines, seeking to develop the superpowers of the mind. Their alleged plan and purpose is world domination for their Lord (who precisely this lord is varies widely).

Little do you know, the Illuminati are in fact the primary motivational forces encouraging global governance, a one-world religious ethic, and centralized control of the world’s economic systems. Organizations such as the United Nations, the International Monetary Fund, the World Bank, and the International Criminal Court are seen as tentacles of the Illuminati.

Figure 1: The All-Seeing Eye of Horus Photo to left: Just one of thousands of corporate icons showing allegiance to the New World Order gang. The All-seeing Eye of Horus is symbolic of Lucifer, the angel of light. Most people have no idea just how powerful the Illuminati is, evidenced by the subtly by which they orchestrated the 911 attacks and now mock us right before our very eyes.

Who is in the Illuminati?

The Illuminati is made up of the world's political and financial elite, and also, rappers. Theoretically, membership rolls are kept secret, but most YouTube intellectuals and ancient astronaut theorists agree that the following people are members:

• Barack Obama
• the Pope
• Queen Elizabeth II
• George Soros
• Ben Bernanke
• George W. Bush
• Jay-Z
• Kanye West
• Rihanna
• Bob Dylan
• Beyoncé
• Lady Gaga
• Jim Carrey

Figure 2: Masonic Imagery Within United States’ Currency

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What do the Illuminati do?

Oh, you know, conspiracy stuff. Assassinations, currency manipulation, Super Bowl halftime shows. All executed through puppet institutions and groups like the Federal Reserve, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Freemasons, and Def Jam Recordings. And all carefully controlled and hidden to ensure that their meddling in world affairs will remain secret.

Figure 3: The Layout of the Streets of Washington, D.C.

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This is sounding more plausible by the minute. What's the end goal of the Illuminati?

The end goal behind the Illuminati conspiracy is to create (and then manage crises) that will eventually convince the masses that globalism, with its centralized economic control and one-world religious ethic, is the necessary solution to the world’s woes.

Ultimately, the objective of the Illuminati is to establish a one-world authoritarian government known as the New World Order, which will, of course, be ruled by the Illuminati.

...and then?

Here, theories differ. Some of the internet's finest minds, writing on scholarly websites like Yahoo Answers and AskJeeves, believe that forced conversion to homosexuality will be a top agenda item in the New World Order. Others claim the first order of business will be to round all non-Illuminati up into FEMA camps, possibly as part of a deal struck with aliens in Roswell. Many, if not most, experts believe that the New World Order will be a front for the rise of the Antichrist.

Okay. How can I tell who's in the Illuminati?

I know this sounds counterintuitive, but prominent Illuminati members frequently flag their Illuminati connections. Like how in Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" video, there's that goat head-shaped star formation? Or have you ever seen Jay-Z's video for "On to the Next One"? It has a goat skull in it. Goats, bro.

Figure 4: The Abusdly In-Your-Face Illuminati Symbolism

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Goat heads are an Illuminati symbol?

Yes. Goat heads represents Baphomet, the goat-headed god beloved by 19th-century occultists. It's not the only weird occult reference in "On to the Next One." The creepy guy with the crow, Jay throwing devil horns, the, uh, actual Masonic symbol — all of Hov's (that's right: Hov) videos are filled with Illuminati and occult symbolism. So are Lady Gaga's: that pink triangle and unicorn that you thought was some campy gay reference? Actually symbols of the immaculate conception of a new order of humanity. So are Kanye's videos, especially "Power."

Figure 5: We Can Dance If We Want To - The Occultists & Madonna

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The Illuminati killed Whitney Houston? But... why?

For two reasons: one, to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth, and two, to make room in the Illuminati for Blue Ivy Carter.

Who else have the Illuminati killed?

Oh, you name it — J.F.K., 2Pac, Bob Marley, Michael Jackson. Heath Ledger's death was a ritualistic sacrifice. Aaliyah was killed by Dame Dash so he could become famous.

Wow. That makes sense.

I know. And there's stuff we haven't even covered!

There's stuff we haven't covered?

Just a couple, things, like the Bilderberg Group, reptoids, clockwork elves, the Greys, the Rosicrucians, the Knights Templar, and Planet X.

Figure 6: Dreams Do Come True -- Walt Disney’s Evil Plan

I really feel like I've learned a lot from this guide. Where can I learn more about the Illuminati?

I highly recommend reading the very factual Behold a Pale Horse and The Biggest Secret — but you can also find a lot of information on such rigorous and learned websites as Godlike Productions, Vigilant Citizen, Above Top Secret and Prison Planet, the website of Austin radio host Alex Jones. Finally, of course, a great deal of important information is distributed on Twitter, YouTube, and Yahoo Answers.

Yo, while we're here, can we talk about reptoids?

No.


Disclaimer: The opinions, views, and assertions expressed in this post do not reflect the views or sanity of Blog Don't Lie, or its editors. I fully realize that distancing myself from this article may have ironic implications given that the blog title is 'Blog Don't Lie,' but cut me some slack. Thank You.